on being real

Everything always seems to look so perfect in the blogging world. Pretty women with interesting lives, happy babies, killer style sense, and a witty joke to boot. And that's where I struggle with this whole blogging thing. I started this blog so I would have an outlet for writing, creativity, and everyday thoughts and happenings. I've always loved to journal/keep a diary, and while having a blog is a super way to do that + put pictures with my thoughts (which I love), it feels a little too vulnerable to pen my thoughts on the days when I've had a rough day or when I'm angry or when all I want to do is sink into the couch and cry.

But I have this thing for "realness." It's my favorite. I have always been drawn to people who are real, who don't put on a front. I admire those people. And I would like to be known in the same way.

I say all of this to say that in my being real and sharing my thoughts about the not-so-good days, I'm not looking for sympathy, but more for encouragement and wisdom. I'm not one to ask for help or even to voice what's wrong, but that's something I need to get over. Easier said than done, of course. I shouldn't shut people out just because I'm scared of looking needy or stupid. And I don't have to look like I have it all together all the time. After all, no one can read my mind and the only way to receive help is to ask for it. And in my limited life experience a). there's always someone who's going through the same growing pains as me and b). that person never thinks I'm needy or stupid, and is always willing to listen and come along side of me.

So tonight, at the end of this long week, I have a weary and tired heart. Things like uncertainty, loneliness, and feelings of not being good enough have been wearing me down. Even as I'm writing this, I'm shaking my head thinking, "Who am I to complain?! I have SO much to be thankful for when so many others are suffering. And I'm whining about having no friends? I'm so pathetic." And so the cycle continues.

Lord, you know my heart and I take such comfort in that. You also know the future and I know that you've promised to prosper me and guide me. You know my frustrations and my worries. You store up my tears in a jar. God, I pray for patience and peace, and that you'll keep teaching me how to speak up when I need help or advice or prayer. That's why you've given me brothers and sisters in Christ - to lean on and learn from. Thank you for your blessings that surround me daily. I never want to take them for granted. I love you.