life lessons // perspective

I am not surprised that since having a baby life has seemed to move faster than ever. Not only do the days and weeks seem to fly by, but things like eating and grocery shopping now only occur in hyper-mode since my boy's happiness trumps all. This was one of those things that everyone told me about, but you just don't really understand it until you're going through it. For the past almost-6-months, I haven't felt a sense of calm or relaxation. There are moments of rest when I feel like I can catch my breath, but the crazy far outweighs the calm. And for many weeks, I would think, "This is my life now. I will never eat my scrambled eggs in peace again. Tim and I will never have regular date nights without it being a production. I might not have a full night of sleep for years...etc. etc. etc." And then I start thinking, "And we only have one kid. It's only going to get harder and crazier from here on out!" I hate to admit this, but have even been moments when I've seen retired people having coffee at Target or working in their yard and envied them and the fact that they can take. their. time.

But God knows exactly what I need and when I need it. This past weekend, the women in our church got together for a retreat. It was a refreshing time of fellowship and God's word. It was my first time away from Jack for more than three hours, and it was just what I needed. Many people asked me if it was hard to leave him. Honestly, no. I knew he would be at home with Tim, safe and sound. And I knew I needed the time away to sit quietly, soak up the Word, and BEHOLD my Savior.

I came away with many nuggets of wisdom and things to work on (we studied the Proverbs 31 woman...hello), but one thing that I have already stuck in my Bible and want to read every morning is a passage that was shared Saturday morning. It's a version of Psalm 23.

THE LORD IS MY PACEMAKER

The Lord is my pacemaker - I shall not rush
He makes me stop and rest for quiet intervals
He provides me with images of stillness,
Which restore my serenity
He leads me in the ways of efficiency
Through calmness of mind,
And His guidance is peace

Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day
I will not fret
For His presence is here
His timelessness, His importance
Will keep me in balance

He prepares refreshment and renewal
In the midst of my activity,
By anointing my mind
With oils of tranquility
My cup of joyous energy overflows

Surely harmony and effectiveness
Shall be the fruits of my hours
For I shall walk in His house forever

Yes, my evenings of taking an hour to make an elaborate supper, mornings of sleeping in on Saturday mornings, and afternoons of reading and blogging may be over, it is only for a season. But I don't want to just merely view this as a season I have to get through. I want to enjoy this season with a joyous energy! Enjoy the fact that I'm blessed to spend everyday caring for my baby boy. Enjoy the fact that Jack hungry enough to eat two times in the middle of the night. Enjoy the fact that he weighs enough to make my back ache by the end of the day. Enjoy the fact that Tim and I now have to work as a team to get supper on the table. Enjoy the fact that when I do get a few minutes of "down time", it seems like such a huge gift. And enjoy the fact that date nights now look more like a bon fire in the backyard after Jack goes to bed. Blessings! Not just things to muddle through, but things that God has blessed me with! For I know that one day when I am retired and working in my garden, I will see a young mom pushing a stroller and wish I could get these precious, precious days back.

when bad things happen

In the midst of some sad news this week - the passing of a friend and colleague, and the shock of the Boston Marathon bombings - this verse has been in my mind the past couple of days. Yes, life is fragile and tough times and seasons of hardships are going to come, but this verse reminds me of the hope of Heaven and the comfort that can only come from a Savior who is concerned about each and every detail - the tears, the trials, the good, the bad. And for someone who could shed tears and internalize every bad news story she hears, that is some good news! There is hope, even in the bleakest of times.

contentment

I recently purchased the book "Keep a Quiet Heart" by Elisabeth Elliot and have thoroughly enjoyed it. I would highly recommend. It's insightful, challenging, encouraging, and relevant for any stage of life. I ran across the following passage about complaining and contentment that I haven't been able to get out of my head.

May ours be the spirit of the 17 year-old Lady Jane Grey, who prayed this prayer in her prison cell before she was executed in 1554:

O merciful God, be Thou unto me
A strong Tower of defense
I humbly entreat Thee.
Give me grace to await thy leisure,
And patiently to bear
What Thou doest unto me;
Nothing doubting or mistrusting
Thy goodness towards me;
For Thou knowest what is good for me
Better than I do.
Therefore do with me in all things
What Thou wilt;
Only arm me, I beseech Thee,
With Thine armor,
That I may stand fast;
Above all things taking to me
The shield of faith;
Praying always that I may
Refer myself wholly to Thy will,
Abiding Thy pleasure, and comforting myself
In those troubles which it shall please Thee
To send me, seeing such troubles are
Profitable for me; and I am
Assuredly persuaded that all Thou doest
Cannot but be well, and unto Thee
Be all honor and glory. Amen.

This is so convicting to me and makes me wonder, if I was about to be out-rightly persecuted would I be so strong as to consider "such troubles profitable?" I want to fear my Lord that much.

a servant's heart

For the past few weeks, Tim and I have been going through a servant's class/Bible study at church. And it has been so good for my soul, and I'm so incredibly thankful to be a part of this church we now call home. We've been discussing what it means to be a servant of the Lord and what exactly that may look like for each of us - whether it's nursery or children's ministry or worship or cleaning the bathrooms.

Through the Bible study, I've been realizing just how serious it is to serve and lead others. It should not be taken lightly. I don't say this to make it seem dramatic or intimidating, but because of the fact that these are people's babies, children, parents, and lives we're dealing with...and they all belong to the Lord. As cleaners, teachers, babysitters, and counselors we have a responsibility to be the hands of feet of Jesus.

The other night, we went over seven things that should always be on a servant's heart. It was convicting, to say the least. And I know I'll need to review this list daily if I am to serve God's people well.

forecasting grief

I am by nature a worrier. It's never kept me from anything (i.e. getting on a plane, moving 1,000 miles away for college, driving through a blizzard), but it does occupy a lot of my daily thought time. I know that it shouldn't, but it does. And lately, I feel like it's been on hyperdrive thanks to the endless coverage of crime after terrible, terrifying crime. With each breaking headline the past few weeks, my heart has broken and tears have fallen; it is hard to comprehend the extreme pain that countless families, friends, neighbors, and relatives around the nation are experiencing thanks to a few seconds of foolishness.

Often times, all this sadness and loss makes me wonder and worry about what I could lose. What if Tim gets in a car accident on the way to work? What if I make a good friend here and then she ends up moving away? What if we have a baby someday and _______ goes wrong? What if...?

These thoughts just start snowballing into each other until I'm reminded that God has a master plan for my life, plans to give me hope and a future. And that these thoughts of worry should not hold me back from living a full life because I am not to live my life in a spirit of fear. I love Elisabeth Elliot's words about the business of "forecasting grief":

Is it our business to pry into what may happen tomorrow? It is a difficult and painful exercise which saps the strength and uses up the time given us today. Once we give ourselves up to God, shall we attempt to get hold of what can never belong to us - tomorrow? Our lives are His, our times in his hand, He is Lord over what will happen, never mind what may happen. When we prayed, "Thy will be done," did we suppose He did not hear us? He heard indeed, and daily makes our business His and partakes of our lives. If my life is once surrendered, all is well. Let me not grab it back, as though it were in peril in His hand but would be safer in mine! Today is mine. Tomorrow is none of my business. If I peer anxiously into the fog of the future, I will strain my spiritual eyes so that I will not see clearly what is required of me now.

Jesus did not promise that this journey called life would be easy, smooth, and without pain - that's what happens in a broken and sinful world. But He has promised to never give us more than we can handle and to walk with us through the storms. I need to remember that.

devotion :: psalm 104

Bless the Lord, O my soul!
O Lord my God, you are very great!
You are clothed with splendor and majesty,
covering yourself with light as with a garment,
stretching out the heavens like a tent.

He lays the beams of his chambers on the waters;
he makes the clouds his chariots;
he rides on the wings of the wind;
he makes his messengers winds,
his ministers a flaming fire.

He set the earth on its foundations,
so that it should never be moved.
You covered it with the deep as with a garment;
the waters stood above the mountains.
At your rebuke they fled;
at the sound of your thunder they took to flight.
The mountains rose, the valleys sank down
to the place that you appointed for them.
You set a boundary that they may not pass,
so that they might not again cover the earth.

You make springs gush forth in the valleys;
they flow between the hills;
they give drink to every beast of the field;
the wild donkeys quench their thirst.
Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell;
they sing among the branches.
From your lofty abode you water the mountains;
the earth is satisfied with the fruit of your work.

You cause the grass to grow for the livestock
and plants for man to cultivate,
that he may bring forth food from the earth
and wine to gladden the heart of man,
oil to make his face shine
and bread to strengthen man's heart.

The trees of the Lord are watered abundantly,
the cedars of Lebanon that he planted.
In them the birds build their nests;
the stork has her home in the fir trees.
The high mountains are for the wild goats;
the rocks are a refuge for the rock badgers.

He made the moon to mark the seasons;
the sun knows its time for setting.
You make darkness, and it is night,
when all the beasts of the forest creep about.
The young lions roar for their prey,
seeking their food from God.
When the sun rises they steal away
and lie down in their dens.
Man goes out to his work
and to his labor until the evening.

O Lord, how manifold are you works!
In wisdom have you made them all;
the earth is full of your creatures.
Here is the sea, great and wide,
which teems with creatures innumerable,
living things both small and great.
There go the ships,
and Leviathan, which you formed to play in it.

These all look to you,
to give them their food in due season.
When you give it to them, they gather it up;
when you open your hand, they are filled with good things.
When you hide your face, they are dismayed;
when you take away their breath, they die
and return to their dust.
When you send forth your Spirit,
they are created,
and you renew the face of the ground.

May the glory of the Lord endure forever;
may the Lord rejoice in his works,
who looks on the earth and it trembles,
who touches the mountains and they smoke!
I will sing to the Lord as long as I live;
I will sing praise to my God while I have being.
May my meditation be pleasing to him,
for I rejoice in the Lord
Let sinners be consumed from the earth,
and let the wicked be no more!
Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Praise the Lord!