when bad things happen

In the midst of some sad news this week - the passing of a friend and colleague, and the shock of the Boston Marathon bombings - this verse has been in my mind the past couple of days. Yes, life is fragile and tough times and seasons of hardships are going to come, but this verse reminds me of the hope of Heaven and the comfort that can only come from a Savior who is concerned about each and every detail - the tears, the trials, the good, the bad. And for someone who could shed tears and internalize every bad news story she hears, that is some good news! There is hope, even in the bleakest of times.

contentment

I recently purchased the book "Keep a Quiet Heart" by Elisabeth Elliot and have thoroughly enjoyed it. I would highly recommend. It's insightful, challenging, encouraging, and relevant for any stage of life. I ran across the following passage about complaining and contentment that I haven't been able to get out of my head.

May ours be the spirit of the 17 year-old Lady Jane Grey, who prayed this prayer in her prison cell before she was executed in 1554:

O merciful God, be Thou unto me
A strong Tower of defense
I humbly entreat Thee.
Give me grace to await thy leisure,
And patiently to bear
What Thou doest unto me;
Nothing doubting or mistrusting
Thy goodness towards me;
For Thou knowest what is good for me
Better than I do.
Therefore do with me in all things
What Thou wilt;
Only arm me, I beseech Thee,
With Thine armor,
That I may stand fast;
Above all things taking to me
The shield of faith;
Praying always that I may
Refer myself wholly to Thy will,
Abiding Thy pleasure, and comforting myself
In those troubles which it shall please Thee
To send me, seeing such troubles are
Profitable for me; and I am
Assuredly persuaded that all Thou doest
Cannot but be well, and unto Thee
Be all honor and glory. Amen.

This is so convicting to me and makes me wonder, if I was about to be out-rightly persecuted would I be so strong as to consider "such troubles profitable?" I want to fear my Lord that much.

a servant's heart

For the past few weeks, Tim and I have been going through a servant's class/Bible study at church. And it has been so good for my soul, and I'm so incredibly thankful to be a part of this church we now call home. We've been discussing what it means to be a servant of the Lord and what exactly that may look like for each of us - whether it's nursery or children's ministry or worship or cleaning the bathrooms.

Through the Bible study, I've been realizing just how serious it is to serve and lead others. It should not be taken lightly. I don't say this to make it seem dramatic or intimidating, but because of the fact that these are people's babies, children, parents, and lives we're dealing with...and they all belong to the Lord. As cleaners, teachers, babysitters, and counselors we have a responsibility to be the hands of feet of Jesus.

The other night, we went over seven things that should always be on a servant's heart. It was convicting, to say the least. And I know I'll need to review this list daily if I am to serve God's people well.

on being real

Everything always seems to look so perfect in the blogging world. Pretty women with interesting lives, happy babies, killer style sense, and a witty joke to boot. And that's where I struggle with this whole blogging thing. I started this blog so I would have an outlet for writing, creativity, and everyday thoughts and happenings. I've always loved to journal/keep a diary, and while having a blog is a super way to do that + put pictures with my thoughts (which I love), it feels a little too vulnerable to pen my thoughts on the days when I've had a rough day or when I'm angry or when all I want to do is sink into the couch and cry.

But I have this thing for "realness." It's my favorite. I have always been drawn to people who are real, who don't put on a front. I admire those people. And I would like to be known in the same way.

I say all of this to say that in my being real and sharing my thoughts about the not-so-good days, I'm not looking for sympathy, but more for encouragement and wisdom. I'm not one to ask for help or even to voice what's wrong, but that's something I need to get over. Easier said than done, of course. I shouldn't shut people out just because I'm scared of looking needy or stupid. And I don't have to look like I have it all together all the time. After all, no one can read my mind and the only way to receive help is to ask for it. And in my limited life experience a). there's always someone who's going through the same growing pains as me and b). that person never thinks I'm needy or stupid, and is always willing to listen and come along side of me.

So tonight, at the end of this long week, I have a weary and tired heart. Things like uncertainty, loneliness, and feelings of not being good enough have been wearing me down. Even as I'm writing this, I'm shaking my head thinking, "Who am I to complain?! I have SO much to be thankful for when so many others are suffering. And I'm whining about having no friends? I'm so pathetic." And so the cycle continues.

Lord, you know my heart and I take such comfort in that. You also know the future and I know that you've promised to prosper me and guide me. You know my frustrations and my worries. You store up my tears in a jar. God, I pray for patience and peace, and that you'll keep teaching me how to speak up when I need help or advice or prayer. That's why you've given me brothers and sisters in Christ - to lean on and learn from. Thank you for your blessings that surround me daily. I never want to take them for granted. I love you.

my prayer

end of the day prayer

I've seen and heard this prayer floating around lately. It's honest, comforting, and some good last thoughts at the end of the day.

Lord, I'm weary after a long day.
I lift my chin and look to you.
I offer you the cares from the day, the concerns of my heart and the things that keep me up at night.
Take my sincere yet imperfect offerings and miraculously multiply them to meet the needs around me.
When I crawl under the covers tonight, help me to remember that I'm not under my circumstances.
I'm safe under the shadow of Your wing.
Cover me with sweet, nourishing sleep tonight.
Oh, how I love You. Amen.

Bless the Lord

Ever since church yesterday I haven't been able to get this song out of my head. As I start a new day and a new week, this is my prayer.