all in a year

 

A year ago today, we found out we were having a baby and this picture was taken. A year ago! Crazy what can happen in a year. Fast forward to today…

…and I've got the cutest almost-4-months-old baby boy. And I'm so happy. I feel like it has taken awhile to get used to, and I know I've still got so many things to learn, but I'm starting to settle into the role of being a mother. As I'm sure any new mother can agree with, the days can seem endless and a constant cycle of feeding, changing, playing, holding, walking, and rocking. These are the days when any extra goals and tasks are done in short bursts between naps, and sometimes not even then when things like eating lunch and getting a quick nap take precedent over anything else. That used to bother me - to not have anything to "show" for my days spent at home. Sometimes not even loading or unloading the dishwasher. But my perspective has shifted and now instead of rushing through the nap routine so I can lay Jack down and cross off things on my to-do list, sometimes we just cuddle and I let him sleep in my arms because I know these days are going to fly by. I feel like I'm going to blink, and he'll be going to kindergarten. Just the thought of that makes me a little teary eyed.

I never knew how much I could love this little boy. I know first-time parents say this all the time, but I'm finding out just how true it is. Any time I hear a song or read something about babies growing up and cherishing the moments, I'm usually reduced to a puddle on the floor. My heart goes crazy and it's all I can do to restrain myself from sneaking into Jack's nursery and waking him up from his nap because I just love him. so. much. Yes, I am a sappy and proud mama and while I wish sometimes that I could slow down time, I know exciting things are ahead in the coming year - first foods, first words, crawling, walking, talking, and his first birthday cake. Crazy what can happen in a year.

cloth wipes

Before Jack was born, we had decided that we'd give cloth diapers a try, but that it may be wise to wait until he was about 3 months old since cloth diapers on a newborn can be, well, sort of awkward and huge. And here we are, Jack is about 3 1/2 months old (already!) and it's time to get our cloth diapering on.

Something I didn't expect I would be doing, but surprising LOVE, is using cloth wipes. Honestly, I'm sure we'll always have a pack or two of disposable wipes on hand because they're just. so. handy., but cloth wipes really are great. I generously received a big stack of homemade flannel cloth wipes at one of my showers and was a little intimidated to use them. After reading up on different ways to use them - storing them wet or dry, what solution to use, how to wash them - I figured out there's nothing intimidating at all. Here's what we do:

Storing - You can store them wet, meaning they will already be soaked in whatever solution you choose and ready to use. But with that method, it takes time to figure out the right ratio of solution so your wipes aren't too wet, and there is also the risk of mold/mildew. If you're really ambitious, you can even fold your cloth wipes accordion style and put them in an empty wipe dispenser with the solution. But I'm all about quick and easy these days, so I store my cloth wipes dry and stacked on top of the changing table. Next to them is a spray bottle with the wipe solution. To use, I spray the cloth wipe a few times and away we go!

Wipe solution - What's great about cloth wipes is that you can customize the solution for your baby's needs, i.e. sensitive skin, yeast issues, diaper rash, etc. If you Google "cloth wipe solution", you will find a whole slew of different ingredients and recipes. Since Jack doesn't have any skin issues, I went for a fairly basic solution that is both gentle and anti-fungal.

Cloth Wipe Solution

1 1/4 cups water

3 drops lavender oil

3 drops tea tree oil

1 tsp Dr. Bronner's soap

This amount lasts us about 2 weeks.

Washing - I haven't actually sat and counted out how many cloth wipes we have, but it's a pretty good stack, maybe around 3 or 4 dozen. The other great thing about cloth wipes is that I seriously only ever use one wipe per diaper change. That may change once Jack starts eating solids, but even then, I can see only ever needing to use 2 at the most. I store the dirty wipes in a wet/dry bag until laundry day. When it's time to wash them, I soak all the dirt wipes in a bucket with hot water and Oxi-Clean for a couple of hours, then wash with a free-and-clear detergent. So far, they've stayed stain free and fresh.

Traveling - for weekend trips, I just bring the spray bottle, dry cloth wipes, and wet/dry bag along. For things like going to church or shorter outings, I'm planning on using a wipe pouch and putting some of the wipe solution in a small, capped spray bottle.

*You don't need hand-sewn flannel squares to get started with cloth wipes, although they do rock. If you don't want to spend a lot on buying brand name cloth wipes, I've heard that little baby washcloths from Target or Walmart work, too; they just might not last as long.

lately...

loving that my boy has busy kicking, smiling, chewing on his tongue, and sleeping through the night.

not loving that it has been crazy cold, as in almost any temp above zero sounds good.

wanting to chop my hair.

remembering that I like the summer Olympics so much better than the winter Olympics.

craving oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

finally getting around to using my Norwex cloths to clean the windows and mirrors. amazing!

eating lots of things like roast and potatoes and chicken soup.

learning to do things one-handed.

reading through Spurgeon's "Morning and Evening" on the iPad.

talking about when to finally make the switch from bassinet to crib.

having the words to this song running through my head.

planning to celebrate my little brother's 18th birthday.

keeping my heart and mind set on my many blessings instead of always wanting, comparing, and wishing. not easy.

lending maternity clothes to a good friend. so excited to meet baby z in June!

watching through all the seasons of Dirty Jobs on Netflix.

listening to jazz on iTunes Radio during Jack's last nursing session before bed.

these days

My boy is 2 1/2 months old and getting sweeter by the day. He is such a sweet and content baby. Although each day sort if still feels like I'm just keeping my head above water, trying to find the new normal, I don't want to forget these days. It's hard sometimes to not wish away the days, wishing for warmer weather or daily showers or date nights. But I know without a doubt I will look back on these first weeks and months of getting to know our baby with longing and fondness. Being thrust into motherhood has been more overwhelming than I thought it would be and I'm learning that I cannot do it on my own accord. When the days seem endless, when the crying won't end, when naps are eluding, when supper consists of cold cereal 3 nights in a row, when the same clothes are worn for 2 days straight, when worry and doubt and inadequacy fill my thoughts, when it feels like there's no one to talk to...I need to remember my Saviour and His grace and be thankful. Because along with all this, there are moments of intense joy and happiness and pride unlike I've ever felt before - when I pick Jack up in the morning and he has a big cheesy grin, when he falls asleep in my arms, when he stares contentedly at me when I give him a bath, when he coos, when he puts his little hand on my chest while nursing, when he pulls up his legs to his tummy when I pick him up from his nap. I feel like my heart could literally burst with love for this tiny boy of mine. It is incredible and I am so blessed to be his mother, even if I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing.

For when I am weak, He is strong.

2 Corinthians 12:10

Jack's birth story // part 2

(…continued from part 1)

After being monitored for a few minutes, they wheeled me into the delivery room and we met the nurses who would be with me for the rest of my labor and delivery. The nurses quickly became very important to me because our doula had to leave and wouldn’t be able to come back to the hospital until around 9:00pm. It didn’t take too long to realize that Brenda, my main nurse, was a total God send. She made sure I was as comfortable as possible, changing the temperature in the room, turning the lights down, and constantly putting blankets on and off. Her demeanor, attitude, and the way she worked with me through the contractions was absolutely awesome. Between her and Tim, I learned how to deal with the increasingly intense contractions.

Even though I had decided that I wanted to give birth at the hospital, I was very intent on doing it as naturally as possible, and for the most part my doctor and nurses did a great job at honoring that. I was able to wear my own clothes and not be hooked up to an IV, two things that we had written in our birth plan that hung on the wall of the delivery room. Other important points were that I wanted the freedom to move around during labor, I didn’t want to be strapped to monitors, and I wanted the option of laboring in the whirlpool tub. But by the time I had climbed off of the triage bed they had wheeled me in on and climbed onto the bed in the delivery room, my contractions were so intense that I hardly moved the upright and seated position on the bed. I only moved from that position once to see what it felt like to labor on my hands and knees, which didn’t feel good at all, so I went back to just sitting in bed. Not what I was expecting at all, but it worked!

Around 6:00pm, I had dilated to 5cm. A little more disappointment. I had been working so hard and this was the point where I was starting to think that I couldn’t do it. After several hard contractions, I turned to Tim and said, “ I don’t think I can do this. I need something!” But he was so awesome and would squeeze me hand, get right in my face, and say, “Yes you can! You can do this! You’re doing so good.” But in my mind I just kept thinking, “I’m only halfway to be fully dilated. How am I going to do this?!” I learned that slow even breathing and low noises worked much better than quick breaths and high-pitched noises. So with each contraction, I would look straight ahead, focusing on keeping my composure, and breathing. This must have worked because by 7:30pm I was almost completely dilated and I had very strong urges to start pushing that were getting harder to control. At one point, there were no nurses in the room, it was just Tim and I and as I felt the overwhelming urges to push, I frantically said to Tim, “Where is everybody?!” I was so sure that the baby was going to start coming before the doctor was even there.

When Brenda came back in the room, she knew I was getting close to the end of labor and beginning of delivery. I vaguely remember nurses scurrying about the room, getting everything set up for the arrival of our baby. When the doctor came in, I knew I must be getting close to the full out pushing stage. At this point, I just kept thinking, “Please let the pushing go fast.” I was scared of what it’d be like to push for 2 or 3 hours, wondering if I had what it would take.

After all of our research and knowledge gained from the birthing classes with our doula, the last thing I thought I’d do would be to push while on my back. But that’s what happened. In the end, it felt the best and it worked well for me. With each contraction coming on about a minute apart, there wasn’t much rest and I was constantly fluxuating between being cold and hot. Brenda and Tim were absolutely amazing during the pushing phase. They kept telling me how awesome I was doing, coaching me through feeling when I was pushing effectively and when I wasn’t. I worked very hard and about a half hour into pushing, Brenda said I was so close to meeting our baby. What great motivation! As the doctor readied herself, I knew I was close. I also knew I was close when Tim said he could see that our baby had dark hair!

Pushing was a lot different than I thought it would be. It was almost a relief from the contractions. The atmosphere in the room was calm. Although there were nurses preparing for the arrival of a baby, things were hushed. I didn’t feel frantic, just focused on working the hardest I could with each contraction. As the baby moved further and further down, Brenda kept saying, “This is it! You are so close!” Between her rotating in cold rags on my neck and forehead, and Tim giving me sips from water, I gained a little bit of energy between contractions. And since I knew this baby would be here in a matter of minutes not hours, I gave it my all. And then just like that, I heard, “There’s the head!” and the rest of the baby soon followed.

As I watched the doctor take the baby and place it on my chest, Tim said, “It’s a boy!” We have a son! Another completely surreal moment. And he was right there on my chest, gulping in oxygen and letting out some cries. As they handed me a blanket, all I could do was clutch him close to my chest and look at Tim through watery eyes. What a miracle! Our baby was here, Jack Donald Miller –born at 8:59pm, 8lbs. 13oz., 20.5 inches long.

As I was holding Jack on my chest and looking into his eyes for the very first time, Annie came in. She started taking priceless pictures of the first few minutes of us as a family of three and began coaching me in breastfeeding. Jack stayed on my chest for the first hour and a half, awake and content.

I had a pretty bad tear from the delivery, and the pain and pressure of being stitched up was truly one of the hardest parts of the experience. Luckily, there was a warm wiggly baby on my chest to distract me. I was weak, hungry, and shaky so Brenda brought in some warm blankets to cover me as I snuggled Jack and I sucked on a honey stick to regain some energy. My next thought was, “I need some real food.” I wanted something fresh, so Brenda ordered me turkey sandwich and a big bowl of fruit.

The next order of business: start calling our families and friends. Tim started making the rounds of phone calls to the expectant grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends. It was so fun listening to him announce, “We have a son!” A lot of times I could hear the muffled excitement on the other end when he said the baby was here. It was around 10:30 when we started calling people. I thought it was going to be too late, but everyone was awake and awaiting the news. One of the first things everyone wanted to know of course was how much he weighed, which was funny because at that point in the night, we didn’t even know! After I delivered him, he was on my chest for awhile – the nurses checked him right there and we hadn’t put him on the scale yet. So finally around 11:00pm we put him on the scale, and I was so surprised (and Tim was so proud) how much he weighed! A healthy, sturdy baby boy. What a blessing.

After I had eaten some food and Jack was wrapped up in Tim’s arms, I got to soak in a deep Jacuzzi bath tub for awhile, which felt absolutely amazing. Once I got cleaned up, we moved into the post-delivery recovery room. By this time it was well past midnight and Tim and I were both exhausted. We had written on our birth plan that we wanted to give Jack his first bath, but by this point, Tim could hardly keep his eyes open and I could hardly stand up from soreness and exhaustion. So our nurse gave him a bath, wrapped him up, and handed him to me. Tim laid out his sleeping bag on the couch in our room and was asleep within seconds. I was tired, but still had a total adrenaline rush from giving birth and was speechless at the fact that after months of waiting and praying and anticipating, I was finally holding our warm, fuzzy-headed baby in my arms. I was overwhelmed with love for this little life and gratitude to the Lord for giving me the strength I needed that day. It was a day I’ll never, ever forget.

Jack's birth story // part 1

It still seems sort of unreal that I have my own birth story to tell. For so long I've read about and cried tears of joy over other women's stories, and now I have my own! And it's something I'll never forget.

From the beginning, I knew I wanted to approach the birth of our baby as naturally as possible. We met with an area midwife, researched home birth vs. birth centers vs. the hospital, talked to other moms from our church, and met with a couple doulas. In the end, I decided I would feel most comfortable at the hospital and I felt confident that a natural birth would be possible at the hospital. My doctor was on board with our wishes from the beginning, which was very important, and our doula helped us write out a specific birth plan to bring to the hospital to keep the nurses informed about what I wanted and what I didn't. There are lots of scary hospital-birth stories out there, but I can honestly say I had a great experience. The nurses were considerate and helpful and the room was warm and inviting. Tim had to be my advocate and speak up and ask questions when they wanted to do something I wasn't on board with, but they were always obliging. And the deep jacuzzi tub filled with steaming hot water they have waiting for you after you give birth…amazing.

On November 14^th, I had my 39 week appointment and everything was looking great – I was dilated about 3cm and the doctor said the baby was sitting very low. I felt great and even scheduled a 41 week appointment just in case. I felt really encouraged that I had already started dilating, which I attribute to all the 1-mile morning walks I took since very early in the pregnancy. I went to bed that night as usual – a back rub from Tim before crawling into bed surrounded by four different pillows. But for some reason my lower back hurt and I couldn’t get comfortable. Early in the night, Tim moved to the downstairs bedroom because I was snoring. I woke up about every hour to either pee or from being uncomfortable. In the middle of the night, I warmed up the bed buddy because the pain in my back was getting a little intense. Around 5:30 in the morning, I got up to pee, went back to bed, and as I laid back down, it felt like I was peeing my pants. I ran back to the bathroom and realized my water was breaking! We were going to meet our baby soon!

I walked downstairs and woke Tim up around 5:40 and said, “I think my water just broke.” And with that we both sprung into action. Contractions hadn’t started yet, so I went back upstairs and put on the clothes I wanted to labor in, finished packing my bag for the hospital, and made a piece of peanut butter toast for breakfast because I knew I would need the energy later on. I even washed my face and put make up on. When the bags were on the table, the camera was set out, and I had called my mom and texted my sister, I plugged in my iPod, set it to the Baby Time playlist, and prayed with Tim in the kitchen, knowing that today was going to be a big day. I felt very excited, but calm.

Around 7:30am I started to feel contractions – nothing major, but they were definitely there. I started walking all around the house and doing laps up and down the stairs. Since we knew it’d be awhile, Tim made a big breakfast of eggs and hash browns because he knew he’d need some energy later on, too.

The back pain that I had all night only grew more intense with the contractions. I was a victim of back labor and it wasn’t pretty. I ended up throwing up a few times because of it. If Tim rubbed my back really hard for a few minutes, the pain would subside for awhile. When the back labor was not very intense, I would walk. When the back labor would set it, I would lean over the back of the recliner. And when my legs got tired from leaning and swaying, I bounced on the yoga ball. The contractions were consistent – around 25 to 30 seconds long and coming about every 5 minutes, until 11:00am when they would come about 10 minutes apart. I was afraid I was stalling out, so I called Annie, our doula, for some advice. She asked if I was tired – yes! I hadn’t slept very good the night before and I had now been laboring for 5 hours. She said it was my body telling me to rest. So we queued up Parks and Recreation on Netflix and I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up about an hour later to contractions that were much stronger. Progress!

From noon until 3:00pm, I started needing Tim with each contraction. Sometimes I would just grab his hand, sometimes I would sort of hang on his neck and sway. At this point contractions were lasting anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute and sometimes even longer, and coming on every 3 to 5 minutes. We called our doula again around 3:00pm and to let her know we would be heading to the hospital soon so she could meet us there.

The car ride to the hospital was surreal and seemed to take forever. At one point, we were stopped at a red light and there were two kids walking home from school, waiting on the corner for the light to turn green. I was so scared that I was going to have a contraction right then and they’d see me looking like a crazy woman, breathing heavy and clutching the door. We pulled into the parking ramp at the hospital and were trying to figure out what bags to bring in right away, and I puked…again. As that was happening, a nurse just getting off her shift happened to walk by. She asked if I was okay and Tim explained that I was in labor. Just a few seconds later, a security officer drove past, so she asked him to have someone get a wheelchair so I wouldn’t have to try to walk all the way to the Family Birthing Center. Thank you, Jesus!

Annie was waiting for us up in the Family Birthing Center. After checking in around 4:00pm, they took me to a labor triage room where they monitored how the baby was doing, took my blood pressure, and checked to see how I was dilating. I was so sure I’d be somewhere between 5 and 7cm since just the day before at my 39 week doctor appointment I was already at 3cm. At this point, I had to be fairly focused during every contraction. After checking me, the nurse said I was between 3-4cm dilated. I was pretty disappointed, to say the least. In my head, that meant I had soooooo far to go.

(to be continued…)

lately...

the snow has been piling up - we got about 10 inches through the course of last week

when it's not warm enough to snow, it's been cold cold cold, as in highs that are below zero

mom and dad came for a visit

Tim and I went on our first date

I finally joined the world of Instagram

bought post-baby jeans at the Gap factory store in town for $12

made sweet and sour pork chops recipe twice from The Family Flavor cookbook

can't get enough of Jack's many smiles and coos 

Jack has been taking 2 hour naps during the day and sleeping 5-6 hours straight at night

listening to the hymns station on Pandora

dreaming about and planning a 2015 road trip to the Southwest (AZ and NM, not MN)

dreaming about warm days and stroller walks around our neighborhood

postpartum // pain & healing

While I had an awesome, natural birth experience, my recovery was full of pain, tears, and learning. This post documents my road to recovery and is meant to be informational and an encouragement to new moms/moms-to-be who may experience some of the same things I did. So just know, if you're not a woman/not pregnant/not a mom, there may be a few awkward moments ahead. You've been warned.

While I was pregnant, I felt like I was constantly researching, reading, and seeking the wisdom of other mothers in regards to labor and delivery. I walked a mile nearly every day up until the end, hoping that would shimmy the baby into the right position and give me the strength needed to deliver a baby. We took awesome child birth classes with our doula, learning relaxation techniques and what the different stages of labor look like. I had a playlist ready of worship music to keep me calm and focused during labor. I ate plenty of protein in order to avoid things like pre-eclampsia. We had a birth plan written out and knew how we'd like the delivery to go. So when my water broke early in the morning on November 15th, I felt ready for the work of labor. And it paid off. I will always look back on Jack's birth story with fondness and awe that it went as well as it did.

What I wasn't prepared for were the days and weeks after giving birth. I don't want to freak out any new moms-to-be, but mean to say all this as an encouragement if your recovery experience is anything like mine and let you know that you're not alone! I'm not afraid to admit that I wasn't one of the "strong" women who appeared to be "back to normal" quickly. Recovery rocked my world, which is something I had never really heard anyone talk about. And maybe that's just because every woman, every body, every delivery is so different. Some women are good to go just a few days after delivery. Not me. Of course, I knew I would be sore and I figured nursing would be an adjustment, but I had no idea to what extent. For some reason, I thought by day 3 or 4, I'd feel like running errands to get out of the house. Ummm…I didn't leave the house, or even go outside, for days. I didn't even go to Jack's first doctor appointment because I wasn't sure I could make it across the parking lot. I had a pretty bad tear among other "bottom" issues from the delivery, which made everything a process since the smallest movement could be irritating. I couldn't stand for more than a few minutes because of the pain and pressure, which made it really interesting when I found out that a combination of bouncing and walking was just what soothed Jack at 2:00am. I dreaded having to go to the bathroom. Even rolling over in bed hurt. Healing quickly became my #2 priority, after taking care of Jack, which would not have been possible without the help and support of my mom, sister, and Tim who were constantly filling up my water bottle, making tea, holding Jack so I could sleep/eat, and making sure I was taking a bath at least 3 times a day. It was exhausting and a constant cycle of feed Jack, sleep, eat, feed Jack, sleep, bathe, feed Jack, etc.

I also thought nursing would be easier and that it would become a quiet time with my new baby that I'd look forward to. I knew there would be a learning curve, but I was really excited to nurse my baby. And while he was a champion eater from the very beginning, it was a shock to my body. By the time Jack was 2 weeks old, every nursing session was accompanied by dread and lots and lots of tears on my part. I had big cracks on each side that didn't close up and heal for 5 weeks. It took everything in me to let my baby nurse and to not pull away, the pain was so great. There were nights when he would latch on and I would just sob, dropping big elephant tears on his sweet head. People always say that the hardest thing about a new baby is how little sleep you get. Not me. In those moments, I remember thinking that I would happily take exhaustion any day over the raw pain of nursing. In the beginning, I just viewed it as something I had to fight through, as something that was fairly normal for a new mother to go through. But as the days and weeks ticked on and there was no improvement, and when I was in pain all the time, not just when I was breastfeeding, it was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't do this any more. If it's always going to be like this, I don't think I can do it. But I have to do it for my baby. I want to, but if it's always going to hurt this bad… That was my thought cycle every day. And so I began to pray for my boobs, something I never ever thought I'd do! I prayed for healing, strength, perseverance, and patience. I changed my perspective and tried to view it as a blessing - a blessing that I had a precious, healthy baby to nurse, and a blessing that it was just "surface" pain and not pain from something like a chronic disease. And after much prayer, advice, and remedies, I can honestly say that I look forward to nursing Jack, even if it's in the middle of the night.

On top of both of these things, my emotions/ hormones were at an all time level of crazy and I would cry at the slightest thing. I'd look at Jack and cry. I'd talk to my mom about Christmas and cry. I'd try to stand up and cry. I'd nurse Jack and cry, from pain and from worrying if he was getting enough milk. Sometimes at the end of the day, I would just start crying for no apparent reason other than I just needed to cry. Crazy, crazy emotional. And while everyone tells you it's completely normal to feel like that, it doesn't make it any less awkward when your husband finds you standing at the bathroom sink sobbing and asks, "What's wrong?" and you honestly reply, "I have no idea!"

But I'm here to tell you, it does get better! You may not think so - I didn't for awhile - and it may take longer than you think, but healing will come. It has been a long road to get to where I'm at now, which is still not back to 100% of "normal", but much closer than I was a few weeks ago. I can now go to the grocery and not feel like I'm going to pass out after 10 minutes. I can nurse and not wince. And (most of the time) I can talk to my mom without crying. What helped? During all of this, I surrounded myself with worship and the Word, which brought much comfort and encouragement. "When I am weary, you are strong." Each week, I would put up a new 50 Promises card on the kitchen windowsill and meditate on it during the week. During middle of the night feedings, I would cue up my worship playlist and focus on the words of the songs to take my mind off the pain.

And then there were texts, calls, and emails full of words of encouragement from the few friends and family who knew what I was going through. You all know who you are and I cannot thank you enough for your friendship, love, and help when I was at my lowest. Never underestimate the power of encouraging words!

I also came to rely on an arsenal of products, some specific for postpartum mamas, some not. Below are the things that got me through each day and would make great gifts for any new mama.

1. Earth Mama Angel Baby Monthly Comfort Tea - this tea is made especially for postpartum recovery and helps with healing on the inside, i.e. raging hormones and a post-birth uterus. I had a cup of this every day for the first couple of weeks. It is honestly one of the best tasting teas I've ever had.
2. Earth Mama Angel Baby New Mama Bottom Spray - this cooling mist is full of all natural healers and soothers and would highly recommend it for any mom-to-be! Plus, it smells wonderful.
3. Plum Smart - going to the bathroom after having a baby is daunting. So along with plenty of water and fiber, this juice was a mainstay in the fridge for awhile. I don't hate prune juice, but this stuff is significantly more tasty.
4. Tucks Pads - okay, maybe another awkward product to talk about, but I'm way past awkward at this point. Soaked in all-natural witch hazel, these little pads work wonders for healing.
5. Motherlove Nipple Cream - at first, I used Lansinoh Cream, but found that it didn't do much more than moisturize. What I needed was healing. This organic cream moisturizes, heals, and protects.
6. Yoni Bath Postpartum Sitz Bath Herbal Tea - yet another awesome healing product I used daily for awhile. There are many types and brands of sitz bath tea out there, but I ordered mine from this great Etsy shop. Sandra happens to go to my in-laws church in Southwest Minnesota, and I was able to meet her one Sunday when we were there. She has great products in her shop including this great soaking tea. I threw one of these tea bags into the water every time I took a bath, and found that I could reuse a bag for several baths. Again, these are loaded with the natural power houses of healing agents like witch hazel, calendula, and comfrey root.
7. Nice shower gel - my mom brought a little basket of goodies to the hospital for me and a bottle of nice shower gel was one of the things she included. This may seem like a really insignificant product, but it was one of the things that made me feel normal during those first couple of weeks when life (and my body!) seemed anything but normal.
8. Target nursing tanks - is there anything Target can't do? Seriously. My sister gave me one as a birthday gift and I bought a second one because I loved it so much. I'm so glad I did. I would recommend having at least 2 of these tanks. They are comfy (which is a must), functional, and even cute.
9. Fun socks - just another thing that made me feel somewhat normal.

blessings and worship and a baby

Oh hello, little blog! So glad you're still here after my 8 week hiatus due to a cute little somebody coming into our lives. It has been the happiest/craziest/hardest/most exhausting 8 weeks I've ever experienced, and I knew it would be but you never truly know and understand until your in the trenches of pain, 2 am feedings, worry, puke, and diapers. But more on all that later…

It is a balmy -21 degrees with a windchill of -47 degrees today. The fireplace is roaring and Jack and I are preparing to have a long snuggle/nap session this afternoon to the tune of The Office and fleece blankets. I've already eaten breakfast, showered, and nursed Jack, who is now snoozing in his swing, so I'm feeling particularly productive and cozy on this Monday morning. Just within the past week, Jack is starting to get into a little routine and I've been able to count on things like eating, quiet time, naps, and checking my email. It's been awesome, and something I am not taking for granted! I read this this morning in "My Utmost for His Highest":

Worship is giving God the best that He has given you. Be careful what you do with the best you have. Whenever you get a blessing from God, give it back to Him as a love gift. Take time to meditate before God and offer the blessing back to Him in a deliberate act of worship. If you hoard a thing for yourself, it will turn into spiritual dry rot, as the manna did when it was hoarded. God will never let you hold a spiritual thing for yourself, it has to be given back to Him that He may make it a blessing to others.

I couldn't help but think that the blessing the text talked about was this new little life God has given us. We must commit him and his life to the Lord so He can do great things through Jack.Yes, as a mother I'd love to keep him under my wing of protection to shield him from the hurt, pain, and trials of this world, but as parents we are commanded to dedicate our child to God, the one who gave us this blessing in the first place.

I am so amazed at how much joy and pride my baby brings me. I honestly think he is the cutest baby boy I've ever seen. :) And yes, for the first few weeks, he didn't do much except eat, sleep, poop, and cry. But just within the past week or so, he's started cracking smiles, cooing, and showing us how strong he is with his crazy kicking. It's crazy how much my heart bursts when he looks up at me and cracks a little side grin and then lets out a little gurgle. I have LOVED the newborn stage where it's all about a tiny, cuddly baby, but I'm so excited for this next phase of development - when he's still small and cuddly, but also so smiley and responsive. Love it!

thankful.

I cannot write this post without crying. Maybe it's the crazy post-pregnancy hormones. They are tears of overwhelming joy, love, and thankfulness. This Thanksgiving will always be a special one because on November 15 at 8:59pm, our son, Jack Donald Miller, was born, healthy and alert and rocking a stellar pair of cheeks. Delivering him was the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. What a miracle! Yes, it's been a major adjustment getting used to life with a newborn. And yes, it's scary to me sometimes to think that this little life depends on my for everything. But every time he stretches after he eats or sneezes three times in a row or studies the world so intently when he's awake, it makes it all worth it. I did not know my heart could feel such overwhelming and nurturing love.

I'm also thankful for my husband - the best labor coach a girl could ask for. Your calmness and attentiveness amazed me as we moved through each stage of labor and delivery. Thank you for holding my puke bucket when the pain was overwhelming. Thank you for rubbing my back over and over and over again. Thank you for letting me squeeze your hand so tight in the middle of contractions. Thank you for always having my water bottle handy. Thank you for being my advocate when I couldn't talk to the doctors and nurses. Thank you for telling me, "You can do this. Keep going, you're doing great" during the last couple of hours when I didn't think I could keep going. And thank you for getting up in the middle of the night between feedings when Jack is fussy so I can get just a few more minutes of sleep. I am so proud of you, I love you so much, and Jack is so blessed to have you as his father. I can't wait to spend Thanksgiving with you and our son.

public service announcement for Netflix owners

Yep, still pregnant. But that's not really what this post is about... 

So maybe this is old news, and probably is since I'm usually waaaayyy behind pop culture (example: I'm just now seeing a movie that came out a year ago), but newsflash: Skyfall is on Netflix! Maybe this is only exciting to Tim and I because a). I've never seen a single Bond movie and b). we've seriously been talking about renting this movie for the past week. It took us about 2 seconds to add it to our list and about 5 minutes to warm up some leftovers, settle onto the couch, and hit play. And it did not disappoint. I loved it for all the classy, suit-wearing action scenes, and Tim loved it for all the throw backs to old Bond movies.

Anything else great on Netflix that we should know about?

lately...

feeling very pregnant but very good
cooking spaghetti pie, pot pie, and corn potato chowder to put in the freezer
researching homemade tub cleaner
going on daily walks
waking up everyday wondering if this will be the day we meet our baby
shopping for Christmas gifts
solidifying names for the bambino
making lists of fun things to do before the baby comes
watching the leaves fall
loving Amazon Prime
listening to "Open Water" by The Saint Johns
taking daily afternoon naps
blazing through "What Not to Wear" episodes on Netflix
walking down the baby aisles every time I go to Target
consciously eating a good amount of protein every day
praying about labor and delivery
filling out Baby Miller's baby book
wondering what it will be like to all of a sudden be a parent
enjoying back rubs from Tim each night during episodes of 30 Rock/Parks & Rec/The Office
laying out baby clothes for the hospital
spending most days in leggings/yoga pants
designing our Christmas card
stocking up on things like sports drinks, protein bars, crackers, and honey sticks
pulling out my sweaters and scarves and warm socks
baking zucchini cinnamon bread and butternut squash
checking out cooking magazines from the library
savoring the last few precious days of this pregnancy as much as possible

baby update // 37 weeks

yes, that is my hospital bag in the background, semi-packed and ready to go.

Well, folks, I think we're ready for Baby Miller. And by that I mean as ready as you can ever be walking directly into the complete unknown aka parenthood. The nursery is unbelievably cute and stocked with blankets, onesies, and diapers; the car seat base has been installed; all the crib bedding has been washed; the swing is put together and sitting in the corner, waiting to be used. As for the labor and delivery aspect of everything, I'm feeling fairly prepared for that as well. Between our birth classes, reading a couple of highly-recommended books, and talking to friends who have been through the experience, I feel ready to take on this enormous task. People keep asking me if I'm nervous or scared, and I always say no. I'm more curious than anything, and if there's anything I'm nervous about, it's not the pain or work, but just the unknown. I'm a planner by nature and love to know what I'm walking into, but birth is one of those things that you can't really plan for. Yes, we have our birth plan all written out and ideas of how everything will go, but we of course have no idea how it will all actually go down. For this reason, I've been focusing my prayers more on the outcome than on the actual experience. Yes, I would love to be one of those women who can say I had a terrific and beautiful birth experience, but ultimately, all I want is a healthy and strong babe.

It's still so weird to me that I'm going to be a mom, that Tim's going to be a dad. Growing up, those titles were reserved for people who had perms, wore pleated pants, had mustaches, drank a lot of coffee, and liked to listen to news on the radio. Actually, Tim fits 3 of those characteristics already, ha! I think parenting is something I'm much more nervous about than physically birthing a baby. Should we be reading parenting books? Do we need to go over standards we think we should have once the kid is a little older? I think I'm so scared that one little "wrong" decision about something like how often to feed the baby or where the baby will sleep will end up snowballing into some kind of undesirable "condition" like a baby that cries all the time or doesn't sleep through the night until they're 2. This is probably just something I need to get over and we'll find our groove over time, figuring out what's best for our baby.

Baby Miller, we're ready for you and are so excited to meet you! See you soon, little one.

baby shower #2

Well, it's the middle of October and it's starting to look like fall. This year's fall season seems to be a little later than usual, which I am totally fine with. I'll take a long fall season any day. And the beginning of this year's fall was also the beginning of baby showers. I am so blessed to have family and friends who want to literally shower me, Tim, and the baby with gifts, blessings, prayers, and advice. My sister hosted baby shower #2 and did an excellent job. It was so darn cute! Check out all the cute details she put into it...

How fabulous are those cupcakes?! And the tree stumps and striped straws and diaper "cake" and... It was a great little party, full of special touches and special ladies.

And speaking of fabulous, a dear friend designed the shower invitation, which you can check out here. So adorable!

baby book

As of today, I am 34 weeks into this pregnancy and starting to get the "we really need to start getting things done/make a hospital packing list/buy essentials like a carseat" itch. I think part of it is that the last few women I've known who've had babies have all gone early. So while I think that I still have a whole 6+ weeks left, it could very well be 4 weeks. Holy cow.

One of the things on my to-purchase list has been a baby book, and finding a non-cheesy, gender neutral baby book that didn't cost $80 was much harder than I thought it'd be. I first tried the usual suspects - Target, Hallmark, etc. - but they only carried gender specific books. Then I thought I'd try Etsy because you can find awesome, unique things on there. And while that proved true, many of the books were a little spendy for me. So I resorted to Pinterest and searched for baby books and within 15 minutes found 3 great options. Gotta love Pinterest. After reviewing the options, I made my decision and placed my order for a baby book from My Sweet Muffin, a totally adorable site. The book came on Friday and I LOVE it! It's beautiful, it's gray and yellow(!), and the prompts are perfect. AND it cost less than $35. Score. Look how cute! Totally love it.

via

Other great and unique options for baby books I found:

The Poketo Baby Book and Memory Box
source

Baby Book by Yasmeen Ismail
source

baby update // 32 weeks

Baby Miller and I are growing right along! And at 32 weeks prego, I am definitely starting to feel large and in charge, but otherwise am still feeling good. Sleeping recently became my nemesis, but thanks to the cushy-ness of the couch in the sunroom, I am back to getting full nights of sleep. Plus, now I get to see things like the full moon and shooting stars if I do wake up in the middle of the night.

Tim and I started our birthing class with our doula. She is really great and informative and I'm excited to build up my arsenal of "tools" to make our birthing experience a good one. Between appointments, birthing class, Tim's grad classes, and fall traveling, I feel like the next 8 weeks are going to fly by so fast, so I want to be conscience to savor these last few weeks of pregnancy - savor the kicks and hiccups; savor the fact that I know my baby is close and safe; savor all the advice and kind words that come with this season of pregnancy. I had no idea what to expect going into this pregnancy, but I can honestly say it's been better than I imagined and I have truly loved growing this baby of ours.

did you know that h&m has the cutest baby stuff?!

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9

It was enough for me when H&M finally got with the times recently and started selling their stuff online. And then to find out they have the greatest baby essentials?! Bonus. And I'm totally loving all the neutrals and non-cheesy onesies they have. So adorable.

Happy Friday!

baby update // 21 weeks

Things of note in this photo:

• Squirrels - it seems we are following in Bob Miller's footsteps and have accumulated quite the squirrel population. One evening, we counted 7 in our backyard at one time. 
• Blanket - maybe one of the most beautiful gifts Grandma D. has given me. It's so unique and different and I love it.
• Sunroom - while it is technically "sunroom season", the extreme humidity lately has pretty much made the room unbearable for the past week. However, we did do something the other night that we've talked about since moving in - moved our old box TV to the corner of the sunroom and watched an episode of Friends. Now if we could only watch a Twins game on there, I'd be in heaven.
• Slippers - yep, it's July and I'm wearing slippers. Since Tim is sure he might die of exposure to any temperature over 80 degrees, the air conditioning has been consistently set at 69 degrees. And I've always said there's nothing worse than a hot/cranky Tim, so comply with this by donning slippers and usually a sweatshirt and blanket.
• Belly - Baby Miller's growth is right on track and has begun punching and kicking everyday (love it!). At this point, it seems that the general consensus is that it's a boy, but the logic behind this is of course not really grounded in anything. 

photo shoot // baby o.

This past weekend I got to meet and photograph a sweet brand new baby girl. She hardly made a peep through the whole shoot and, once she fell asleep, she cooperated so well with the outfit and background changes. What a precious little bundle! And how cute is the mint green?!

If you have a new babe in your future, I'd love to capture the precious first few days of their life in this world! Contact me for more information.

baby update // 17 weeks

Oh, hello baby bump! I am patiently waiting to feel the baby squirm and kick, although I know the little bugger has been doing somersaults in there for quite some time. Tim said just the other day that it all seems a little more real now that I'm actually started to look pregnant. He says he can't wait til I'm huge. Ha! Love that man.