With just a few short months left before I'm fully plunged into motherhood, the bliss of a good pregnancy is slowly being replaced by fears of the unknown and what-ifs. Based on this post, you may think that I've totally got this whole mom thing figured out and am forging into the unknown armed with confidence and understanding. Not true. I am fearful and nervous and full of questions.
How will be able to cook a full meal? Will I have time for design projects? How will I handle the overwhelming task and responsibility of caring for a tiny human being? Will our marriage change, for better or worse?
And then there's maybe the biggest of them all: I am so scared about the heart-crushing love I will have (and already do) for my baby, my child. The love that will make me my heart ache when they cry; the love that will keep me up at night thinking what if that would have been my child in that car crash; the love that will suddenly turn up my awareness of kidnappings; the love that will make me want to keep them locked safe inside our house to protect them from the harms of this world; the love that will make me encourage them to follow their dreams, even if that means traveling across the country to go to college.
This is what I've been thinking about lately, and at times the weight of it all is almost unbearable. I need to learn to live on my knees before my God who will be there every step of the way. And I need to get over my pride of not wanting to ask for help. Otherwise, I may not get any sleep for the next 18+ years.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpassed all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7
To these promises I will cling.
I share in every one of these fears and hopes for my baby! Having the ultimate creator and protector as our God is the only promise that allows me to let go every morning and night and place Judah in His hands. It brings life and love to a whole new level. Thanks for sharing such a truthful piece of a mothers life.
ReplyDeletethank you for being one of those invaluable resources that I'm sure I'll be calling on in the near future!
DeleteThank you for sharing Erica! I had so much of the same anxiety and still do. But you don't hear many moms speaking openly and honestly about those fears because we're made to feel like we should have it all together all the time. But I can tell you this, God provides all that you need to get through each day, one at a time.
ReplyDeleteAmanda G.
First, you look adorable! (not every woman can pull this off!)
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I already know that when I have children I will have to work to defeat worrying-I am told this is natural,lol. You're not crazy, and more you are going to be a fabulous mom!! I'm always reminded of the simple truth of how Jesus modeled fighting temptation (with scripture)-what a relief it is that simple!