on motherhood + fear

With just a few short months left before I'm fully plunged into motherhood, the bliss of a good pregnancy is slowly being replaced by fears of the unknown and what-ifs. Based on this post, you may think that I've totally got this whole mom thing figured out and am forging into the unknown armed with confidence and understanding. Not true. I am fearful and nervous and full of questions.

How will be able to cook a full meal? Will I have time for design projects? How will I handle the overwhelming task and responsibility of caring for a tiny human being? Will our marriage change, for better or worse?

And then there's maybe the biggest of them all: I am so scared about the heart-crushing love I will have (and already do) for my baby, my child. The love that will make me my heart ache when they cry; the love that will keep me up at night thinking what if that would have been my child in that car crash; the love that will suddenly turn up my awareness of kidnappings; the love that will make me want to keep them locked safe inside our house to protect them from the harms of this world; the love that will make me encourage them to follow their dreams, even if that means traveling across the country to go to college.

This is what I've been thinking about lately, and at times the weight of it all is almost unbearable. I need to learn to live on my knees before my God who will be there every step of the way. And I need to get over my pride of not wanting to ask for help. Otherwise, I may not get any sleep for the next 18+ years.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpassed all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

To these promises I will cling.

details of August

+ Evie reading books with Uncle Tim
+ early morning fishing excursion/sunrise cruise on Booth Lake in Wisconsin
+ wakesurfing!
+ sistahs fo ev-ah
+ at home for my birthday and a homemade birthday peach pie
+ chowing down on my birthday meal - sweet corn, grilled burgers, baked beans, and homemade pickles
+ a major grating session with all the zucchini I got from mom. so pumped to pull it out in the dead of winter and make something delicious.

other things from august:
+ I hit the third trimester of my pregnancy. yeah, baby!
+ bought this album
+ discovered this awesome product, immediately added it to the birthday list, and unwrapped it just a few days ago. thanks Tim!
+ started reading this book and am loving it.
+ cleared out the room that will become the nursery in preparation for a fresh coat of light gray paint
+ currently in the midst of one of the hottest streaks in Minnesota's history. the thermometer on my computer at work today read 103. woah.
+ Tim started a new semester and year of grad school.
+ bought tickets to see these guys at the end of September.
+ made this and didn't regret it. seriously, so good.

business card+logo design // katie wilson

Lately, I have had little design projects popping up here and there, which I love. One of my most favorites recently has been working with Katie (the sister of one of my best friends) on a logo and business card design. She had an awesome color scheme in mind and told me to run with the design. Since she is a therapist, my vision was something that wasn't overly serious, but approachable. I really love how the whole project turned out and wish Katie the best of luck in her endeavors!

my 2nd trimester faves

Am I really almost done with my second trimester?! As it is usually goes with pregnancy, my second trimester has been a 180 of my first trimester. No more feeling sicky, no more aversions to 90% of the foods out there, and no more 3 hour naps after work. Plus, I'm sporting a pretty good sized bump these days which has got to be one of my favorite things ever.

And, as I found in the first trimester, there have been several things and products that I have really loved through this phase of changes.

1. Clif bars/Larabars - I have had the appetite about the size of a horse, so eating good snacks throughout the day has been a must. These two have been my morning snacks of choice for several weeks, and there's usually one in my purse for when hunger strikes during things like church and shopping at IKEA. The flavor they can pack into a Larabar with so few ingredients really blows my mind. They're so delicious!

2. Belly band - I have seriously been able to wear so many of my "normal" pants and shorts up until recently thanks to this wonderful invention. Early in my second trimester, I picked up this one from Target and have really loved it.

3. Smoothies - These have become a staple of my morning breakfast routine and with all the fresh summer fruit available, they have been extra delicious.

4. Walking - Also a staple of my morning routine. Every morning after breakfast, Callie and I (and sometimes Tim) go for a nice 1 mile walk around the neighborhood. I have become such a morning person over the past year, and I have yet to hit snooze in order to trade sleep for my walk.

5. Blue Sky Soda - Because sometimes you just gotta have pop with pizza! I discovered this stuff in the natural/organic section of our grocery store and it has become my "special occasion" treat. While it does have sugar, it isn't full of artificial flavors, colors, preservatives, etc., and there's a ton of different flavors. My favorites are cola and ginger ale.

6. Energy - Pretty quickly after I hit the second trimester mark, my energy levels shot back up to normal, which means that my 3 hour naps have turned into 30 minute naps, and I don't feel completely wiped out by the time 2:00pm rolls around.

7. Hazelnut steamer - Even though it's summer and hot drinks aren't really in season, there have been a few chilly and/or rainy days that have called for a hot beverage. Since I'm doing my best to avoid caffeine, the steamer has become my go-to drink of choice with hazelnut and 2% milk, please.

my favorite kind of weekend

This past weekend was spent doing some of my most favorite things. It was one of those rare weekends where we had absolutely nothing planned and we were free to make spur-of-the-moment plans.
+ Saturday started with running errands and picking up some patio furniture, and ended with a spontaneous visit by my favorite 16-month-old niece and her dad. I swear that girl just gets better every time I see her.
+ Sunday started with church, followed by an afternoon trip to Buffalo to explore it's many antique/occasional shops. (Mom, I have GOT to take you there!) The weather was beautiful and Tim and I just meandered the streets looking for treasures and deals. The day ended with naps in the sunroom, church, a trip to the grocery store, and Miller home videos from 1987.

on motherhood + hard work

I have been thinking a lot about motherhood/parenthood lately (big shocker). And while I'm so thankful for this pregnancy for many reasons, one that I've been realizing lately is the fact that I now have first-hand experience in this precious stage of life. It's like I've suddenly been plunged into this whole new network of women that I can now relate to. I have also been learning things like what to not say to a pregnant woman or expectant parents. For example, "You think you're tired now, just wait until you have the baby...you'll never have a good night of sleep again" or "You think you're busy now, just wait until you have the baby...you'll never go on another date again."

Yes, our lives will drastically change, our routines will be different, and there may be things we won't do as often, but as with any big change, there will come a "new normal." For the planner and routine lover that I am, I know that this will be a challenge to get used to, especially knowing that with a new baby there are hardly ever two days that are ever the same. I am pretty much counting on one or two total meltdowns on my part and a few middle-of-the-night calls to Mom. And I'd be lying if said I wasn't worried about being a good mom and having no clue what I'm doing. But I take comfort in knowing that many mothers before me have gone through these same things...and have not just survived, but call it a blessing.

And I think my friend Teddy Roosevelt might be on to something because I've always felt the most satisfied when working at something that is difficult. And now I have been tasked with one of the greatest challenges of all - growing, birthing, and raising and training up a child. So I'd rather not view it as a chore, a drag, or something that is interrupting my "normal" life, but instead a chance to work (very) hard at work worth doing.