Have you ever had a lightbulb moment? Where all of a sudden, it's like a lightbulb is flicked on and you see a situation in a completely different light. I had a total lightbulb moment this past weekend. We had our church's annual women's retreat, which I would describe in one word as... no, I don't think it's possible to describe it in just one word. It was uplifting, refreshing, challenging, heartbreaking, overwhelming, Holy Spirit-filled and full full full of Biblical teaching, delicious food, sweet fellowship, and beautiful worship. There are few things that make me cry like sitting in the midst of a worship service with fellow believers; that is one of my most favorite things.
There were so many nuggets of wisdom, advice, and truth that came out of this past weekend, but the one that really hit me was about fear. I realized that SO much of what I do AND don't do revolves around fear. This was the first part of my lightbulb moment. I am such a Type A + control freak + peace keeper that I fear so many things and the words "taking a risk" are hardly in my vocabulary. Give me comfortable, predictable, routine...please and thank you. But as one of the women during the weekend was sharing about fear, she said something that had never even crossed my mind.
What could fear be holding you back from? Are you missing out on something beautiful/inspiring/breathtaking because of fear?
Woah. What friendships, moments, sunrises, conversations, blessings have I missed out on in my life because I was too afraid to reach out and be a friend? Because I was too afraid it might be awkward? Because I was too afraid of bears? Because I was too afraid of failing? Because I was too afraid of not looking like I have it all together?
So often I sit and pray for God to bring something into my life - friendships, adventure, passion - and I feel like I've been wondering and waiting for so long, thinking, "God, why aren't you answering me?!" But now I'm starting to see that maybe He has these things ready and waiting for me, but I need to be the one to pursue them. I need to stop sitting in fear and start standing in surrender, knowing that sure, something scary could still happen, some situation could still be really awkward, but at least in surrendering to Him, He's got my back and He knows what He's doing. And in that there is no fear, only peace.
"...let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." - Hebrews 12:1
