thankful.

I cannot write this post without crying. Maybe it's the crazy post-pregnancy hormones. They are tears of overwhelming joy, love, and thankfulness. This Thanksgiving will always be a special one because on November 15 at 8:59pm, our son, Jack Donald Miller, was born, healthy and alert and rocking a stellar pair of cheeks. Delivering him was the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. What a miracle! Yes, it's been a major adjustment getting used to life with a newborn. And yes, it's scary to me sometimes to think that this little life depends on my for everything. But every time he stretches after he eats or sneezes three times in a row or studies the world so intently when he's awake, it makes it all worth it. I did not know my heart could feel such overwhelming and nurturing love.

I'm also thankful for my husband - the best labor coach a girl could ask for. Your calmness and attentiveness amazed me as we moved through each stage of labor and delivery. Thank you for holding my puke bucket when the pain was overwhelming. Thank you for rubbing my back over and over and over again. Thank you for letting me squeeze your hand so tight in the middle of contractions. Thank you for always having my water bottle handy. Thank you for being my advocate when I couldn't talk to the doctors and nurses. Thank you for telling me, "You can do this. Keep going, you're doing great" during the last couple of hours when I didn't think I could keep going. And thank you for getting up in the middle of the night between feedings when Jack is fussy so I can get just a few more minutes of sleep. I am so proud of you, I love you so much, and Jack is so blessed to have you as his father. I can't wait to spend Thanksgiving with you and our son.

A Merry Little Christmas

What is it about Christmas music that makes it so emotional? Or am I the only one who cries almost every single time we sing “O Holy Night” in church? James Taylor’s version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” is the same way. I heard it in the car on the way to work this morning = tears. And the funny thing is, I never really know why I’m crying. It’s definitely not because I’m sad, but it’s not really tears of joy either. But more along the lines of emotion, memories, and love.

Christmas has always been one of my most favorite times of the year and I have so many good memories associated with this cherished holiday. Memories of family traditions – oyster soup on Christmas Eve, finding a $2 bill in our stockings every year, decorating for Christmas to a Kenny G. tape, sleeping by the tree at Grandma’s, watching old cartoon Christmas movies with my brother and sister. I know that many people say that Christmas is one of the most stressful times of their year, but I’m so thankful that I did not grow up with that mentality. Besides the “stress” of traveling to Grandpa and Grandma’s, or now Mom and Dad’s, Christmas has always been about relaxation, fun traditions, delicious food, ripping open hand picked gifts, and thankfulness of what the season truly represents.

And that is something I want to pass on to our children someday. I don’t ever want it to be hurried or rushed or completely focused on the materialism that is thrown in your face during the Christmas season. I want to start silly little traditions. I want to read the real Christmas story before opening gifts, like Grandpa D always did. I want our children to understand that giving is better than receiving. I want our Christmas holiday to be cozy and simple, not overdone and fancy. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks, Mom and Dad. My tears during Christmas are good tears and happen because even when we were little and unruly and didn't want to eat the oyster soup, you still did...you made memories with us and for us. Opening gifts each year is always a blast, but you've given us so much more than physical gifts over the years. You've given us traditions, love, and memories. And that's what keeps us longing to come home every December.

november

I am thankful for:

a cozy home to call my own
hot coffee waiting for me each morning
a husband who does the dishes and laundry
hot water
my job
the deer that has been foraging in our backyard
neighbors that bring us bread and build us a new mailbox
our fireplace (which is still the only thing heating our entire house at the moment)
coupons that save me $17 at the grocery store
chicken pot pie
my sister
early morning walks with the dog
trials that bring wisdom, understanding, and full reliance on God

I am truly blessed.